Mama, Chaos, Cuss words & Coffee

Monday came in with some A T T I T U D E.

Usually Monday’s are a good productive day for me. I am a MONDAY kind of gal. MONDAY’S are my SLAY my to do list day. Tuesdays are THE WORST. Fuck Tuesdays. My Tuesdays are like most people’s Monday’s….garbage. The only good thing about Tuesdays are tacos. I like tacos.

Monday actually started off just fine. The usual routine, get kids up, get kids dressed, feed Declan before school, get him to school & dropped off, scoot over to my favorite widdle coffee shop (seriously, they’re the best. Shoutout to CAFÉ 19 for being the real MVP’s in my life), shimmy over to work to knock out the chalkboards & the media tv. I’m crushing this Monday morning right…Pipey and I came home, I started laundry, we ate lunch, I snuggled her before she went down for a nap AND successfully got the wild child down for a nap….cueeeee the shenanigans.

Listen. I intentionally put myself off for a long time because 1) children 2) work 3) money 4) ain’t nobody (me) wanna talk about their problems or be told what their problems are 5) issues ALWAYS arise and it just deters me from taking care of me. I see you other women doing the same. Hollllluuuurrrr. Anyway, I had an appointment on Tuesday that I’ve rescheduled twice already due to other fuckery…so it was time I absolutely HAD to go…plus the hubs took off work so I could go. Go through the end of this phone call with me:

Dr’s office: And tomorrow while you’re here we’ll have to collect towards your deductible.

Me: okay! No problem, how much will that be?

Her: Tomorrow’s total will be $449.

Me: *wincing* oh. Alright. I’ll let my husband know. Thank you! (you bet your ass I sounded excited to pay that $449 while internally dying).

*texts husband about doctors appointment and casually reminding myself why I don’t make doctors appointments*

BUT WHY. WHY IS IT SUCH HIGHWAY ROBBERY TO GO TO THE DOCTORS. Sorry for yelling, but gee dang.

Let’s fast forward two hours. That sweet husband of mine comes home and I inform him the washer has been pretty much locked since I started it 11am. MIND YOU, it’s 2:30 PM. I’ll skip all the details but I’ll summarize to this.

*flips breaker off.* *flips breaker back on* *LOUD POP* *insert wtf comments* *huffs and walks away* *smells like burning wires* *panic from me* *flips breaker back off & unplugs washer*

Yep. FRIED SOMETHING IN OUR FREAKING WASHHHHEERRRR. DAMN YOU MONDAY. That’s just rude & disrespectful.

Let’s put icing on the cake shall we? Hubs does some research – one board could run around $200, there are two boards. If we replace one board and it doesn’t work, we’d have to buy another board and hopes that works. $400. It MAY fix the problem. A new washer is $700. WHY NOT JUST BUY A NEW ONE?!

*fist fights the air* Adulting is fucking dumb. Excuse me while I sell my kidney just to pay for Monday. Okay, that’s a little extreme and that’s what we have an emergency fund for but still…highway robbery. Let me also disclose that when situations like this happen, I HAVE to laugh (after I fist fight the air obviously) because we’re that couple or I’m that person that has ridiculous stuff happen to them all the time that it is legitimately COMICAL. It’s so frequent things happen I always joke that I swear God is putting me through this stuff so I have more material for my standup. But uh, god, if we could not double up in a day, that’d be neat. *insert eye roll knowing damn well things will happen like this again*

Reminder: You can start over at anytime. Your day is not ruined. Your world is not over. Take a deep breath and start over.

I swear Declan has been getting funnier and funnier by the day. We were sitting at dinner and he whispers to me…”Mommy, I said a bad word today.” Obviously baffled he was just offering up this confession…I said “wait, what, why?! When?” He started to giggle and said “Outside. Early.” Just confused I said “well what did you said” he hesitated whispers so quietly “I said what the fuck. BUT DON’T TELL DADDY!” (Mind you, we’re sitting at the dinner table and Sean is sitting DIRECTLY across from him) I couldn’t stop laughing. This kid is just over here offering up good shit like this, I’m going to have posts forever.

However, if he doesn’t chill out on SCHMOOZING his little neighbor girl fran, I might cry. Remember “Sara” from last post? Alright. let’s bring her back in for another story. After dinner we let Sara come into our back yard to play until it got dark. It was time to put little Sara back over the fence, and they were playing on the patio. I said “Alright guys, it’s almost dark, we gotta put you back over the fence Sara.” We were getting ready to start walking to the fence and he grabs her hand is now on “poop duty”. What is poop duty you ask?! If she starts to walk and almost hits a poop pile he points out the poop and says “poop! poop! poop!” and redirects her away from said poop pile. So they’re walking through the yard, holding hands, redirecting her around the poop piles. WHAT A FREAKING GENTLEMAN. HOWEVER STOP HOLDING HANDS YOU TWO. YOU’RE BABIES. Anyway, I put Sara over the fence and she starts walking to her house. He stops and goes “uhhh…AREN’T YOU FORGETTING SOMETHING?!” (like she had the AUDACITY to forget). She turns back around and says excitingly “OH YA! A HUG” she runs to the fence and they hug over the fence.

SOMEONE GET THE MOP BECAUSE I’M IN A PUDDLE. ARE WE JOKING?! THESE TWO CUTE CHILDREN ARE HUGGING OVER THE FENCE. Yet, my internal momma heart is SHATTERING. Homegirl, don’t break my boys heart. That will be the day my soul dies a little, the day some girl breaks his heart and he loses a little bit of himself, because let’s be real, we’ve ALL been through that…and if you think you haven’t….you have. Did I get teary eyed walking back to house? You bet your ass I did, no one talks about those little moments when your kids don’t seem like babies anymore..they always catch me off guard. Did my husband judge me…probably, and I don’t even care. I hugged Declan a little tighter that night.

That’s enough chaos of my emotions for a week, all in a day. Monday’s attitude was something that I could’ve done without. The good news is, Monday’s attitude did NOT set the tone for the week…well…kind of. But I’ll save that for another day.

Until next shit show friends.

-Sammie.