Mama, Chaos, Cuss words & Coffee

Buckle up. This is going to be a long read…seriously…it’s long…because we go to Disney in this post! This is a LONG overdue story. Muh bad friends, I’ve been busy.

There is no magic…like DISNEY MAGIC. Nothing.

I get so dang excited planning my trips to Disney. Between the resorts, to planning park days, to picking places to eat, to what rides are a priority to ride and we can’t forget all the dang SNACKS! I seriously get so much joy with planning any time I get to go to Disney, but this trip was SPECIAL. Our kids FIRST TIME to Disney World AND my mom was going. All the exciting moments!!!

Before we get into all of what was Disney, let me set up a little background…In December 2021 we gifted my parents a trip to Disney with us in December of 2022. They have done so much for us over the years, it was a way to kind of give back to them for every time they either saved our ass or just helped with us. We chose December because it’s always been a dream of mine to see the Christmas decorations at Disney and my mom and I LOVE Christmas. Like…really L O V E it. This was a way for them to experience something really fun with the kids as well as us see Disney at Christmas. Rolling into 2022 everything was on track with planning. However, Dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer around late May. He recently started at a new job so he had limited vacation. Even though he had it scheduled for Disney, he obviously needed to have it moved to tend to the prostate cancer. He had a successful surgery to remove all of the cancer and as of his most recent visit, he is currently cancer free. THANK FREAKING GOD. FUCK CANCER. **FELLA’S GET YOUR PSA LEVELS CHECKED- I CANNOT STRESS THAT ENOUGH. SERIOUSLY. MY DAD STRESSES IT TO GET YOUR SHIT CHECKED. IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE.** If you all want, I can go into a more detailed blog covering signs of Prostate cancer he had, testing, biopsy, the Gleason Score & everything with surgery for another time. Anyway, although the detour with dad, mom still planned on going with us. And I’m tickled she did.

BACK TO DISNEY.

Planning a family trip can be stressful…ESPECIALLY, when it comes to Disney. I mean we’re talking parks, we’re talking rides, we’re talking food, we’re talking stroller rental, we’re talking Genie+ and we’re talking resorts. Now, my sweet husband fortunately LOVES to go to Disney too. He’s a Disney fella…don’t let him have you fooled…he loves it, so planning this with him added to the fun! We chose Art of Animation Resort because of their family suites. Y’all if you have a little larger of a family, we had 5 people in our room…this…was…PERFECT!!! The family suite can sleep 6 people comfortably. They have a Little Mermaid section that is not a family suite, but still cute! They have Cars, Finding Nemo & The Lion King themed family suites. We originally had the Cars suites booked but after everything with dad we had to change dates a little so it was no longer available. We had Declan pick between the other two and he chose The Lion King suites. Which in hindsight was a stellar pick in my opinion! In the suites they had one room with a Queen bed, a double-sized sleeper sofa and a double-sized pull down bed that is also your table. (The table folds down as you pull the bed down out of the wall. I’m telling you, these people that design these rooms are freaking clever bitches.) There is a little kitchenette area, coffee pot, a microwave and a sink, which all came in handy in the morning and at night for some snacks we had. The Lion King section was a great distance from the pool, the food / shopping area, the bus stops & the Skyliner, nothing was “so far” away. Seriously, look how cute this area is…we got to roast marshmallow’s here every night!

The kids flew GREAT for it being their first time! (Well, technically Declan flew when he was 9 months, but as a bigger kid, he did great) We booked direct flights from Columbus to Orlando. *Small quick story: we stayed in a hotel the night before our flight because our flight left at like 5:45 in the morning, so instead of driving we stayed close to the Columbus airport. We had to be up at like 2:45 and the kids WOULD NOT chill out in the room. We had turned the TV off and it was like Piper did crack and was BOUNCING off the walls. I went to say to Sean…”Babe, may we should…” and Declan cuts in WITHOUT MISSING A BEAT; says “get new kids”. We all lost it. I told him “I was just going to say turn the tv back on, but get new kids isn’t a bad idea.” OBVIOUSLY I’M JOKING KAREN, CALM DOWN, I COULD NEVER TRADE MY KIDS. I ended up having to rock Piper to sleep just after 12 am because this child would not chill the fuck out. She would whisper yell at mamaw & it would crack us up. It’s fine we didn’t get much sleep that night going into Disney. * We were scheduled to land in Orlando around 8:30 so we would have the whole day in Disney. We had planned our first day to spend in Disney Springs. I NEEDED GIDEON’S BACK IN MY LIFE ASAP. Once we arrived in Orlando we booked the Sunshine Flyer to transport us to our resort. (I’ll touch on them later, because they pissed me off.) Finally getting to the resort, we check in, we knew getting there early we were going to have to wait for our room because checkin wasn’t until 3 pm…The Disney gods were on our side with that checkin, they let us in our room early. BAZINGA. We got to our room, checked it out, and off we went to Disney Springs. Check out the pictures of our room. Seriously so cute.

If you haven’t been to Gideon’s Bakehouse in Disney Springs. you’re doing yourself a disservice friends. These cookies & cake are indescribably delicious. Each HALF POUND cookie takes about 20 hours to make. They are true to the original process and when I tell you they stay true to who they are, they have mastered their recipes, their process and their EXPERIENCE, it is BEYOND worth the wait. My mouth is watering just writing about it. That last picture is absolutely a 3 tier peanut butter & jelly cake. It is one of the best cakes I’ve ever put in my mouth. It’s seriously mind-blowing how decadent their cookies are.

Moving on, first FULL day in a park: Hollywood Studios. We went straight to Rise of the Resistance. Listen, rolling into Disney, I was worried about Declan not wanting to ride any like MAJOR rides, ESPECIALLY like Rise of the Resistance…no better way to see how he does other than throw him on it right? You guys. I WISH I would’ve recorded his fucking giggles. They still echo in my ear. He was TICKLED, and I mean TICKLED to the bone. HE LOVED IT. He was like “that was AWESOME, it was so cool”. *insert devilish smile here* because GAME ON KID LET’S RIDE SOME RIDES! While we were waiting Mamaw took Piper on her first right. God love my momma, she rode that thing 3 times with Piper and then a 4th with us. We crushed Hollywood Studios…however, there was a point where Sean took Declan to go ride Star Tours and I took Piper to a Nick Jr dance party. You know who was not about showing her dance moves? Piper. She all of a sudden became….shy? But then bubbles came floating down and then she was ready to party….the bubbles ended the dance party..ma’am it’s over, you’re a little late. Bless it. My sweet Husband booked us a reservation for Oga’s Cantina…*insert happy smirk here* We’ve heard nothing but great things about this place, but it is SO hard to get into. We took the kids back to the room, mom kept them so Sean and I could have some adult time. So off Sean and I went back to Hollywood Studios for Oga’s. Oga’s is so popular majority of the space is standing room, and you have a 45 minute time limit. Did we crush 3 drinks while we were there. Yep. Sure did, and we scooted our buzzed little faces over to Slinky Dog Dash because we couldn’t get on it earlier in the day. Peep those pictures below from Hollywood Studios. **ALSO before you say something Karen about my child being on a leash, it is for her safety from other people, she didn’t ALWAYS have it on, but it was such a blessing, if you have something to say about it, you can kindly go piss up a rope for all I care. I don’t give a shit what you have to say about my kid being on a leash, there are fucking creeps in the world and she’s cute as shit, I don’t trust nobody in a busy ass park. So here’s your warning, if you say something, it will not end pretty for you….** As we all were….back to the pictures.

Park Two: MAGIC KINDOM. Ugh. it’s my fucking favorite.

The castle. The food. The rides. THE PARADES. The characters. NOSTALGIA AF up in this park. But this time….CHRISTMAS DECOR FUCKING EVERYWHERE. I don’t know how to get my excitement across to you guys without hollerin’ at you in CAPS. Man. Walking in, seeing the GINORMOUS Christmas Tree, the wreaths, the decor, the lights…it just hit different this time. It’s so hard to not stop and look at ALL the little details, but ya’ll there’s rides to ride and it was a BUSY ASS DAY in the park. We went straight to Dwarf Mine Train. Declan laughed so freaking hard. Remember those giggles I talked about earlier? Multiply them by like 17 on this ride. My mom and I were cracking up. That kid freaking LOVED it. Since we had Piper and she was too little to ride, Sean stayed back and another person got to ride with Sean since he had to stay back, and didn’t have to wait…so naturally Declan went. That happened quite a few times since Piper was too small to ride quite a few rides. They LOVED the parade the scooted through Main Street. Piper was a trooper for most of the day but homegirl still needed to recharge and needed a nap…when you ask? While we waited in line for Jingle Cruise…without a stroller…in my arms…such a sleepy….heavy….sweaty….baby. Not mad about that, but it did always seem at inconvenient times she’d be wanting to KO. Did she wake up confused on the ride, yes. Did she naturally have an attitude after she woke up? Also yes. Would it even be Piper if she didn’t? Now, we had reservations at 3:30 for Liberty Tree Tavern….Ya’ll….this is family style, American style food….book it….it was so freaking good. Think Thanksgiving food but better….Do it. Book it. DELICIOUS. This was definitely one of our longer days…because WE HAVE TO SEE THE FIREWORKS. You know what changes at nighttime?! THE MOTHER FLUFFIN’ CASTLE. It had like 4 or 5 designs it would rotate through…..CHRISTMAS DESIGNS ON THE FREAKING CASTLE. Don’t worry…pictures are below…but before we get to those…let’s talk about my dumbass for a hot second….While we’re waiting on fireworks, like we’re but 2 minutes from it starting….Declan REFUSED to sit next to Piper because she STANK. BECAUSE WHY WOULDN’T SHE SHIT IN HER DIAPER WHEN FIREWORKS ARE ABOUT TO BEGIN? And if you’ve ever been to Magic Kingdom…for the fireworks..you know it is a hot god damn mess….people are fucking everywhere, jam packed to the BRIM in front of the castle. Homegirl had to wait till after the fireworks were over so we could get to the bathroom. You. Guys. She had a massive blowout. and I mean IT WAS FUCKING EVERYWHERE. She’s crying, I’m trying to not get MORE poop on her while I get her out of her clothes, ALSO MIND YOU THE CHANGING TABLE WAS HIGH AF AND I’M SMALL AF SO I’M LIKE TRYING TO CHANGE HER AT MY SHOULDER HEIGHT….IT WAS DUMB. Anyway, back to the blowout….naturally it went up her back…shorts and shirt all had to go. I carried this child out of the bathroom in a diaper, socks and shoes. I packed our diaper bag very carefully….plenty of diapers…snacks…water bottles….wipes….You know what I didn’t pack….an extra fucking outfit. I come out of that bathroom covering her as best as I can, put her in the stroller and pull the cover all the way down over her so no one sees she’s nakie. I looked at Sean like, I’m going to have to buy her a shirt, I’m not letting her go anywhere just naked, we still needed to ride Dumbo. Ha! So I scooted over to Main Street, got her a shirt and homegirl ran around the rest of the evening in a long ass shirt and no pants. Mom of the evening goes to me, thank you, thank you…don’t all of you applaud me at once. *insert eye roll here* We wrapped Magic Kingdom up and carried our tired butts back to the room. Don’t worry, I got a picture of Pipey in her tall tee with no pants. Our pictures from Magic Kingdom are below!

Park Three: Animal Kingdom

Animal Kingdom was a short day for us. Mom and I had something later this night that’ll I’ll share next, so it was a quick day at the park. I was SO FREAKING EXCITED for Pandora. Flight of Passage is HANDS DOWN one of the COOLEST rides I’ve ever been on. It’s so immersive, so real feeling…it’s just an incredibly thought out ride. I think that might have been the LONGEST we waited for a ride the whole trip, other than that, Genie+ was CLUTCH. We knocked out Flight of Passage right out the gate because as we walked in Kilimanjaro Safari’s was not up and running. As we got done with Flight of Passage, we headed over to the Safari because it was up and running. We obviously needed to see all the animals! The kids loved seeing the animals, and the giraffe’s were all over as we pulled it. I love those big beautiful bitches. Na’vi River Journey never really lightened up as far as wait time, and Expedition Everest was a hefty wait too. We wanted to be back at the resort by a certain time, so we went to Rainforest Cafe for our Lunch. We finished Animal Kingdom with Kali River Rapid & getting soaked. We headed back to the resort so Mom & I could get ready for….. well before I tell you here’s the pictures from Animal Kingdom.

Thursday Night….Mom and I had tickets for….

MICKEY’S VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS PARTY!!!! *INSERT ALL THE GOOGLY EYES*

WOULD YOU JUST LOOK AT US! ALL MATCHY MATCH AND SHIT. Yes, her shirt says Mrs. Mama Claus & mine says Mrs. Mini Claus. Matching ears from My Comfort Ears, and OBVIOUSLY matching Hey Dudes. Did we also have Christmas Mickey earrings? Yes, yes we did. Go big or go home kitty cats. We had the BEST freaking time. Mickey’s Very Merry Christmas party is a special ticket we purchased just for the two of us. I will forever cherish this party with her. When I think of Christmas I think of my mom, her love for it, the warmth of her home around the holidays, her cooking, all of my memories surround her. So this party was just icing on the cake. We got to stroll through Magic Kingdom going to designated spots to get hot chocolate & cookies…fo freeeee….listen….we were up to our eyeballs in hot chocolate. The amount of hot chocolate consumed was almost alarming. We chose to not ride any rides but to absorb as many decorations, little shows, shopping & treats as we could. We watched the first parade from Casey’s Corner’s patio area. The lighted parade is exclusive to MVMC during the holidays until end of the season and then for two night’s they’ll run it during normal hours. We shopped, met a delightful cast member who gave us secrets on best viewing spots of the lighted parade, and watched more fireworks. I’m keeping those moments in my core memory bank for life. Damnit take me back to that party.

Final & Last Park Day: EPCOT.

Face paintings, cookie scavenger hunt, Meltdown Marty, Santa Claus, and TRAUMA sums up Epcot. Yep Meltdown Marty & Trauma. You read that right, but not trauma from Meltdown Marty…nope I’ll circle back to that in a minute. Going into Epcot we rode the Skyliner so we came in right by Ratatouille so naturally we immediately got in line for that. It was cute, but I felt it was like of lack-luster to it’s hype. We snagged some of the cookies that were on the scavenger hunt and walked by a face painting booth. Mom got the kids their face painted…these cute ass kids with their faces painted were so giddy about it. Frozen was shut down so we couldn’t ride it but if you know Declan, you know he’s OBSESSED with Vikings so daddy got him an ax and shield. We went around to grab a cookie at a certain location and walked in and saw Santa. We waited in line for the kids to meet Mr. Claus…and this man….ugh he was so freaking great. Make sure to peep those Santa pictures after you’re done reading and see how far Piper started away from Santa. This child was over there with Santa acting like she isn’t the devil herself some days terrorizing my life. We got a super cute family picture with Santa it was precious. It was the calm before the storm. I didn’t realize we were going to war shortly after visiting Santa….Declan started fighting with his sister, so he lost his shield and ax….*cue fucking Meltdown Marty* You guys, Judy Attitudey, Meltdown Marty, ALLLLLL of these children’s alter ego’s never really showed face the ENTIRE TRIP, until the very last fucking day…..and Meltodwn Marty CAME IN FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE. Like Meltdown Marty was out for blood. It was W I L D. Nothing could calm him down. NOTHING. We tried to get him sunglasses to get the sun out of his eyes, got him calm enough to pick a pair and then wanted something else and we said no…Meltdown Marty was still very present. I said “buddy what is wrong?! holy Smokes…” he was hot and tired. All of this go, go, go, rides, food, heat, early mornings, later nights, no down time was finally catching up to him. SO Naturally when it’s hot, I thought, oh! I’ll just pour hot water on his head to cool him down…YOU GUYS PAUSE FOR A MOMENT…Piper and him got “Snoap” Light up toys….Snoap is SOAP & BUBBLES mixed together to create a “snow” affect Piper at one point was pointing her Snoap toy right at Declan’s head, It didn’t even register….IT DIDN’T CLICK SNOAP WAS GETTING ON HIS HAIR….SO when I poured water on his head trying to cool him down…..IT WAS SOAPY. *face palm* SO MUCH SOAP IN HIS HAIR. God bless America, so much soap. SO. MUCH. SOAP. SO MUCH. We FINALLY got him calm enough to sit in the stroller and we’re walking and we look down and he is KO. Him and his sister both. Mom, Sean and I took this PERFECT opportunity to get the magnificent fish & chips from the UK. We wrapped up Epcot by riding Guardians of the Galaxy. Yep. here’s where the trauma comes in. Me. I got the trauma. I knew the car like “spun”….at least I thought I did….what I didn’t know when I got in the back of the car that when we pulled into the ride that I was then going to turn and be the front car….Only the front was still the back because we REVERSED LAUNCHED. *insert panic* When I did periodically open my eyes, there was so much chaos happening I vaguely remember what I did see. At one point I opened my eyes, our car was sideways, going around a moon, and by the car sideways I mean, I’m moving sideways but I’m facing this fucking moon. IMMEDIATELY closed by eyes again….because PANIC. I get OFF this ride wobbly legs like I’m a brand new giraffe trying to walk for the first time. I’m breathing heavy, I’m shaking, I’m wobbling….my 5 year old son? GIGGLING, “that was so cool! that was just SO COOL. I loved that ride, I loved it so much”. I’m internally having a panic attack. Sean’s laughing at me. I was not prepared for that ride. Jesus Christ in a top hat, that ride was intense. I needed a drink, a hug and an anxiety pill after that ride. I’d do it again though, but keep my eyes open more…now that I know what that ride brings to the table. Ha. We wrapped up Epcot by scooting over to one of the resorts that is connected to Epcot because it had the Carousel made purely of GINGERBREAD COOKIES. THE HORSES WERE THEMED AFTER DISNEY PRINCESSES. We got back to the resort just to freshen up for Dinner with Chef Mickey. Our final adventure before going home. Bless it….Chef Mickey. Okay, here’s my review on Chef Mickey. Food = Meh, mediocre at best. Some was good, some was not. For the price, I’d rather have a burger and fries than the like fancy schmancy beef, and pork nonsense. The character interactions with the kids make it 100% worth it. The GIGGLES from Pipey when each character came around….I could play that on repeat all day long. The “HI MICKEY!”, “MINNIE!!”, ugh the beauty of having little kids. The kids just absolutely loved seeing the characters up close and being able to hug them and take pictures with them. Peep those pictures below.

If you’ve made it all the way down here…man, you’re a real freaking gem. I know this was a long post, but I couldn’t not share my amazing trip with you all. These kids had a freaking blast. 10/10 recommend vacationing with your parents and share special moments with your kids. 10/10 recommend taking the trip. 10/10 recommend spending a little more for that special meal.

I think this is long enough….

Until next time friends…

-Sammie.